Censorship: You’re doing it wrong

I have lost my confidence. I was thinking back to a time when I was not as self-conscious as I am now; it is not too far back, actually. I was 17 years old; everything seemed so easy back then: relationships, family, school, jobs, etc. As I grew up and went to college I found things becoming much more difficult.

Everybody, I believe, is self-aware; however, I do believe self-awareness is a muscle; it needs to learn to be flexed and stretched every now and again. I remember back when I started middle school, I was super short. I always had been. The rigorous activity in gymnastics, like constant jumping and landing hard on your feet compacted my bones and caused you to be short. I just did not grow because of that. Due to my shortness kids began making fun of me. I mean it was ruthless, I actually still have not told too many people about what was said, I do not even know if my own parents know. Anyways, I became self-aware because a few pricks were terrible at school and decided to bully me because it gave them a sense of accomplishment, that they could get laughter or be accepted. This new found self-awareness threw me for a loop. It was hard to grasp who I was, and though I remedied the situation by attending a charter program, and I began doing the one thing a creative person should never do. I began to censor myself.

Censoring yourself can be very useful, like withholding words such as, “When is the baby due?” or “How is your Uncle doing?” only after realizing that the woman was just fat and the uncle has been dead for a few months. You probably thought you shouldn’t say anything, but your judgment got ahead of you and you went for it. That is an idea of correct censorship. I believe to live life to the fullest and to truly be happy is to stop having these unreal expectations that you can censor yourself, and to stop censoring yourself. I am still trying to figure this out. Honestly, it is a lot harder than one would think. A good friend of mine has been encouraging me to stay the way I am. By that he means, I tend to say random off handed comments that, with a dirty mind, can be taken the wrong way. With men we always joke about things like that. Any guy who says he doesn’t is lying, I digress. What I am saying is that I am very innocent of thought. I should not censor that, however because of my newfound self-awareness, I am very self-conscious about everything. So I try to change myself. That is not good. No one should ever try to change themselves because they are a certain way. God made you the way he made you.

Recently I have noticed that I have been censoring my feelings for people, for a girl, particularly. This girl is super pretty and I have become very self-conscious around her. I like her and yet, I get worried that she doesn’t feel the same way about me. However, I HAVE NOT TOLD HER HOW I FEEL. How can I expect her to respond if she likes me or not if I have not mentioned the fact that I like her? This is what I mean.

I pose the question, is censoring yourself the best way to get the desire of your heart?


Boundaries, Pt. 1

Being a young adult, and especially being introverted I have discovered the importance, and the NEED, to have healthy boundaries with people. Now many do not understand what boundaries are. In this nation, to me it seems, we have no idea how to have boundaries. People willy-nilly tell each other their deepest most personal secrets, or we like to flaunt our past mistakes; at one point in time, I know I did. There is a freeing sense with no boundaries. The problem is like a zoo with no boundaries, with no cages or no rules. Would you like to be in that predicament, letting every thought, every off handed comment, every single detail about you being out in the open for friends and loved ones to see?

Are Kids Growing Up too Fast, Part 2

Last week I posed the question, are kids growing up too fast? I am sure many of you have reasons, and this is the continuation.

I think many people have begged the question over the ages. I bet the generation before mine thought the same thing and so on and so forth. I think there is such a pressure for kids to grow up way too fast in this day and age. When a 13 year old is having sexual problems I didn’t have until I was 19, there is a serious problem there. So what is the issue? Why are they exceeding every other generation in areas like sex, drugs, alcohol, and language? Are the parents to blame?

Let’s focus on the parent thing for a second. I believe this could be part of the problem. More people becoming parents are starting that journey at such a young age. Shows like 16 and Pregnant and Teen Mom, while they don’t glorify sex and motherhood, have had an influence on the youth of America. These children are becoming mothers at much younger ages before, albeit the Biblical times people were married off at that young; that was their culture. In this day and age those who have sex and/or a baby before they are 18 are considered skanky or slutty. It is just how it is. Yet we are moving away from that current trend. And these children becoming mothers, those who decide to keep the baby, are losing their childhood and thus cause problems with their parenting. While they may be trying to be the best parent they can be, sometimes, your best is not good enough.

Another point on parenting would be that there is not enough of it in this day and age. We have become a nation of working parents, dumping our children off on some poor college student or day care and expect these people to rear our children in the way that we want them to be. I have found that this leads to disconnect between the parent and their child. The child then acts out and loathes the parent, because they were never there. This forces a child to grow up physically too fast without the emotional side catching up. Many people in this day and age are emotionally immature with the bravado of being older than they actually are. I know this especially because I was one of the kids who grew up physically rather than emotionally.

Where do you feel you fit into this spectrum? Were you more emotionally mature or physically mature? How do you fix that? And how do we help future generations to feel as if they don’t need to grow up so fast.

Movie Monday

Here is Movie Mondays, a time where I review a movie and tell you if I liked it or not. Today we have Dredd!


What happens to the world when it ceases to exist as we know it? What are the rules? Are there any? Who upholds justice?

            In the film Dredd, starring Karl Urban, we get a glimpse into this post-apocalyptic world. The world is now confined into Mega-City 1, the eastern coast of, formerly, the United States, and over 800 million people live inside the city’s walls. Anything outside is known simply as “cursed earth”. There are still the old earth structures, houses, roads, and skyscrapers, with even larger super structures of the new earth. The people of the earth now think they are free to do what they want; however, that is not the case with the Judges. They are the police force, jury, and executioner. Judges are expected to have great decisions between justice and injustice.

            A question that is asked through the film: “What is justice?” This I feel is a great question. Many people ask themselves this question on a daily basis, although our questions range from, “Is this moral?” to “What is ethical?” still the thought and question rings true, “What is justice?”

            The one question that stuck out to me was, “Am I good enough?” This question comes to the audience when a new Judge, Judge Anderson, is introduced. Anderson is a dainty looking twenty-one year old girl. She seems to be not cut out, until the Chief Judge, reveals to us her secret. Dredd is tasked with evaluating the young girl, to see if she makes the cut to be a Judge. That begs the question, “Am I good enough?” Both Dredd and Anderson deal with this question, although more overtly seen in Anderson’s decisions and thoughts.

            As they journey through these questions they are caught up by some baddies, and although I will not share the ending or anything that leads to the end, I will say that it is action packed and these questions are clearly seen throughout the film. The judgment question will have you second guessing even your own basic assessment of what justice truly is. While Anderson figures out if she is good enough, you will find yourself- at least I did- evaluating your own life to determine the answer to the same issue.

            An underlying theme seems to be about drugs. The new drug slow-mo is a brand new drug hitting the market at an alarming rate. The drug’s effects make you perceive time at 1 percent its normal rate. Wouldn’t that be great? Experiencing life at that speed? Imagine the beauty and the sense of freedom one could feel. It seems very enticing. Which leads me to ask would you slow time down, if you could?

            This movie was not perfect, but nothing is nowadays. I found many parallels between it and the Bible. Look at the book of Judges, basically Israel had no king, no form of leadership. These judges came along and actually helped the land. They were interim leaders and upheld the law. In the same way I find Dredd to have very similar comparisons. While the images created in the film seem very intense and disturbing at some points, I will continually draw back to the parallel of the Bible. It gives it a redeeming quality, and that is something more movies need to have, especially in today’s day and age.

I give the movie 4 out of 5 stars. The questions brought up and the parallels that can be drawn are something that makes this movie so great. The acting, although not focused on, was stupendous. The visuals, again not a main focus, but were amazing, and are drawing me to see the movie again, although in 3D. Thank you for your time and I hope you enjoy the movie.